My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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