not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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