She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
