how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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