sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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