i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm sobbing to NWA
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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