Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
