you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
