I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
