she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
