If that was your dad, he is hot
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
