i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
