I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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