Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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