I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
