I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
