Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
