In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
