After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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