On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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