remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
