hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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