then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
