She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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