what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize