did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
