i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize