yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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