Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
