she is the kim kardashian of front butts
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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