im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
