I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
