I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
