Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
