all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
