I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
