If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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