Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize