Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
