we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
