What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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