I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
