try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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