remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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