yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
