STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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