just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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