Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
