So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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