He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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