That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
