remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
