ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
