His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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