O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
