You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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