do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
