once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
