I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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