are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
