just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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