I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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